Universal Shift

I wonder how many people can relate to the feeling of being completely alone? Like, utterly and completely alone and like nobody would actually notice if you were gone. One of the worst feelings I've probably ever felt is that I am replaceable. But it's true. I am extremely replaceable, and life offers gentle reminders which keep my perspective in check. Allll of us are, and will be, replaced some day. But here on earth it's a little more difficult to realize this, with the complications of feelings and efforts and memories and relationships. I have realized that I don't need to be the specific person doing my job for it to be done. I don't need to be at a specific gathering for anyone to notice. My presence is not desired or missed. 

Of course there's the other view, which is the mindset I have been reaching towards for years and FINALLY got a hold of (until last night when I slipped): I am a SPECIAL, UNIQUE and WORTHY individual. I deserve just as much happiness as anyone else and I deserve to find people who treat my compassionate heart with kindness and loving. And I WILL find those people!!! Or in some cases, I will shift my efforts towards those people I already have (regardless how few they may be). When I switch to this pattern of thought, I can feel immediate changes inside my body and the space around me. I am hopeful. 

To realize that I am not special to people around me has been difficult. I have been making efforts to reduce contact with those who harm me - all along I thought it'd be the new people coming in that I needed to protect myself from and now I'm starting to feel the other way. Maybe my job of cutting existing chords is not done yet. So today I am choosing to carry on, remind myself of the "people" who DO always have my back (uhmm myself but mostly my angels) and ask for help in dealing with painful human emotions that I can't escape. I will continue to give my heart away to those around me, hopefully with a bit of reservation and protection but I cannot and will not completely stop. It will not benefit me to allow these things to harden me and change my energy, possibly sabotaging what good could be working it's way towards me. The universe works in marvellous ways, I must never forget that. 🙏✌️