f-O-c-u-S

Tonight, I did it. I put the excuses aside and pushed Start on the Tread Climber. And it actually feels good; but of course there were moments that sucked.

I have a thing with over-exaggerating time. I stare at a clock, surprised it's not moving faster. Maybe that's a part of being an anxious bug, but it makes working out even more painful. So this time, I decided to change my focus. I put on the 849th Survivor premiere and began walking. I didn't look at the time until I was nearly 25 minutes in. For me, that is a huge victory! Now, after I saw 25 minutes, I decided I'd go until 30 before writing this post. Then the walk changed. I became hyper-aware of each step, each muscle working, and each second going by painfully slow. The last 5 minutes was more excruciating then every single minute that came before it, all because my focus changed.

So there you have my lesson for the day. A lesson that I teach to clients every single day; change your focus, and you will see change.

PS - I am honest when I say that I was barely moving tonight, but I am realizing that whether you're running or "barely moving", it's the giving the most you can with where you're at that actually counts.

Which road...

Seriously, I was taking a typical selfie today when I caught an honest glimpse of how big I look. I've gained at least ten pounds in the last couple months, and on a body at 5'4 3/4" , ten pounds is big. So I have options. I can sit and pout about it, drown myself in food like I seem to usually do. OR I can take the hard road, but the road that pays off. Even as I write I'm not sure which road I'm going to take, but I know I'm sick of saying "tomorrow". Tomorrow I'll say tomorrow then the next day I'll say the next day and the pounds add up as the time passes by. Indeed to honestly feel good about me, and a big part of that is physical health. I have the resources, now I just need the motivation. When I did T25 in December, I lost 6 lbs and 6 inches in the first three weeks- so I know the results will come if I simply put in the work.

A-ha

I've done some thinking about this blog..and I think I've come up with a conclusion. If I'm doing this, I wanna really do it, and whats better than to do it on than something I'm trying to develop. So my blog will be about me. A peak into the life of a 25 year old who loves her pets, tattoos and her boyfriend. I want to use my blog as inspiration for the weight battle I continue to live, not to focus on it but definitely shed some light into the struggle. I want to display my creative side however that might be-right now it's my diaper cakes. Come along with me as I learn more about who I am and try make myself better than I think possible! 😊

CakeCakeCake

So I guess I've created a third job for myself. On top of being a social worker and a gymnastics coach, I'm now a diaper-cake-creator. Scientific term. But I'm slightly obsessed. I want to keep making, making, making, but I need to make sure I also advertise and sell these buggers. Soon I'll have a website with pictures of cakes I've done. Seems unnecessary, and very likely is, but it's fun nonetheless.  Something to pass my time and something to look forward to, especially with how I feel about work lately. But no point in getting into that on a public forum hah - mental health is alllll closed doors. Back to diaper cakes. Today I spent the day in Minot; my sisters, nieces and I took my parents to the airport then went for lunch and shopped. Literally everything I bought will be used to make diaper cakes! But I'm most excited about a pink zebra cake that I'm making. My friend Jess has a friend having a baby girl, and I'm going to visit in March, so timing is perfect! If I can be smarter than this computer I'll try post a picture. Now, time to update my little website and recover from my cat just clawing my leg. 

What happened here?

I didn't picture starting this blog like this. Unprepared, unsure, unguided. So many unknowns. But maybe that's why this is the best time. Even as I begin to go on, I type, backspace, type, backspace. So insecure everything I write. I live inside a comfort zone that has served to harm me immeasurably. I'm sick of it...so I'm putting this out there! I'm putting myself out there for the world to see - well, maybe not quite - but I'm going outside of my stupid comfort zone once and for all. To do that, I've gotta describe who I am. 

To the outsider..I am a shy social worker, a spoiled youngest sister, a 'cool' auntie, a caring friend, a girlfriend, and a lover of animals (especially my own). In my ideal world, I'm creative, strong, easygoing, confident, assured and loving. In reality, I am insecure, anxious, stubborn and selfish. It may sound harsh, but I'm quickly learning that the world is harsh and that critical self-evaluation is necessary now and then. I hope I can become as in-tune with my positive qualities as I am my negative, but that's something I'll continually work on. So what's the point of this blog anyways?

Maybe it's to vent about adventures in mental health-both working and personal. Maybe it's to fill my time. Maybe it's to normalize one other persons thoughts. Maybe it's to balance reality with irrational thinking. Maybe it's to set goals and motivate myself.  At this point, anyone's guess is as good as mine. But right now it's 5am and maybe I'm in a state of delirium but I'm excited to be starting this new chapter in my life.